Difference Between Memorial & Celebration of Life

by J. Malec

 Event checklist: image by Dennis Hamilton

Image by Dennis Hamilton*

What is the difference between a memorial service and a celebration of life?

Planning a ceremony begins with a primary decision. Will the event be a traditional memorial service or a more contemporary celebration of life? The two event names suggest vastly different tones, so it's important to have an idea of what you want to accomplish at the gathering before you decide between a memorial service and a celebration of life.

A memorial service is typically focused around a recent loss and often has religious overtones. A celebration of life is centered on the joy of having been blessed by a person’s presence, and is often nonreligious in nature, though religious services and life celebrations are not always mutually exclusive. When considering these options and choosing between them, it may be helpful to think about the culture of the family, religious preferences, circumstances leading up to death and any wishes previously indicated by the deceased.

What do we hope to get out of a memorial event?

The first thing you need to do when choosing between a celebration of life and a memorial service is ask yourself what you hope to get out of the event. Whether burial or cremation is chosen, there are important reasons for planning a remembrance. In a Huffington Post article, Marilyn Sewell writes about the significance of such an event.

The ritual of the funeral or the memorial service has several purposes. First of all, it helps mourners recognize the loss as real. Sometimes a body is present at the service, often not, but always we know that we are there to acknowledge that someone has died, and to acknowledge the death not just in fact, but in feeling. We come together to grieve in the presence of a caring community, and for the time of the service we have permission to give ourselves to the experience of loss.

These rituals, in reality, are mostly performed for the living. Interestingly, it is becoming common for the dying to request no service at all. However, out of a need for closure, those who are left behind often choose to gather together to mourn and celebrate a life lost. The gathering also serves to fulfill a genuine need for support from one another during a difficult time as well as act as a reminder that life will continue, even though the deceased is no longer with those remaining.

A memorial event is commonly associated with a traditional service and funeral. Even if the deceased’s body has been cremated, an honoring event can be held. Events focused around cremation include the display of a memorial cremation urn, a scattering urn and ceremony, or simply a memorial event without physical acknowledgement of cremation. In lieu of an open casket, or a casket at all, an enlarged photo of the deceased and floral wreaths may be displayed.

Any form of memorial ceremony forms an important part of our social fabric. It deserves the same attention as other important markers of life events, such as weddings and baby showers. Not to recognize an event of such magnitude can leave us vulnerable to the effects of un-channeled grief, can confuse children about how to handle death as well as postponing the beginning of closure that allows us to move forward.

A Memorial Event Checklist

Whether you're pre-planning your own memorial or are navigating the difficult decisions associated with planning a memorial for a lost loved one, our Memorial Event Planning Guide will help you walk through the planning process. The comprehensive guide and resource to planning your perfect memorial event includes a concise, summarized checklist to get you started and to keep you on track

  1. Determine the type of service or celebration.
  2. Decide on location, date and time, and who will attend.
  3. Outline a budget.
  4. If desired, publish details about the service or event with the obituary in local papers.
  5. Compile a guest list and send invitations; include RSVP.
  6. Decide who will officiate or host / hostess the event. Consider hiring a planner.
  7. Select readings according to desired tone.
  8. Write a eulogy; consider family or close friends to read, as well.
  9. Choose music. Consider a friend to play, or hire a musician.
  10. Decide sequence of readings, speeches and music.
  11. Create a program.
  12. If cremation has been chosen, consider a memorial urn for the service or keepsakes for close family and friends.
  13. Consider important final touches: flowers, food and drink, a memory table or board, and a memory chest for written notes and/or photos.
  14. Write thank-you notes or prepare a small thank-you gift for help received.

Bereavement is usually considered a solitary journey through daily aloneness. Sharing the loss with others offers the potential to unlock silent grieving. Honoring the lost loved one with others through a memorial service or life celebration can provide unforeseen comfort and immeasurable support that is critical to the healing process. If you’re in need of extra support during this difficult time, OneWorld Memorials is here to help with articles and information that can help guide you.

*Image: http://bit.ly/1l2YiN1

J. Malec is a visual artist and writer whose work often deals with themes related to loss and healing. She lives in Minneapolis, and spends much of her time practicing permaculture in the city.

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